Released: May 21, 1996
Purchased: With a Christmas gift card to Borders in middle school.
First Thoughts: This was the album that really introduced me to electronic music beyond commercial dance. I'd never heard of drum'n'bass, let alone heard it, but I loved what I heard on this album. I still know a lot of it by heart.
Playthrough:
Before Today - This song is so bold and unabashed in asking for what the speaker needs. "I don't want your history. I don't want that stuff. I want you to shut your mouth - that would be enough. And I don't care if you've been here before, you don't understand." I love how totally not-coy it is. Love is hard. Relationships are hard. And this doesn't candy-coat it. It feels so real, especially in the light of how much time I spent trying to coy my way out of the very real problems in my relationship.
Wrong - This feels a little like they were chasing a hit. It's obviously modeled on the Todd Terry mix of Missing. But I kind of don't care, because the melodies and production are good, and the lyrics are again amazing. Their fans like to point to their album Idlewild as the peak of their lyrical honesty, but I think this album surpasses it. (Never been a big fan of Idlewild anyway.) I love that it's again unapologetic for chasing what you need - "I wanted everything for a little while. Why shouldn't I? I wanted to know what love was like" - while still admitting imperfection.
Single - I don't think this has ever really been one of my favorites. I definitely don't get why it was a single (hilariously). The lyrics are again incredible ("I haven't dialed this code before" always gets me for some reason, and I love the simplicity of the chorus, which totally boiled down what I felt for so long after my breakup). But musically it feels kind of half-baked.
The Heart Remains a Child - This on the other hand SHOULD have been a single. I've always loved it. I'll even forgive the non-chorus because the verses are so memorable. It's the album's most "pop" moment, and I'm not going to quit saying this, the lyrics are amazing. "Do I wanna hear that you forgive me? Do I wanna hear you're no good without me? And am I big enough to hear that you never even think about me? Why should you ever think about me?" has stuck with me from day fucking one. And "years may go by, and the mind may grow wise, but I think the heart remains a child" is the story of my life. And many other people's, I expect.
Walking Wounded - I really liked this at the time, but it doesn't do as much for me now. It's still good, but not world-changing. Also, the lyrics are a little too abstract for me to appreciate them as well.
Flipside - I used to HATE this. Then I liked it, and now I don't hate it, but I don't like it very much. Eminently skippable and a huge step down from the first five songs.
Big Deal - Yeah, I surprisingly don't really feel this one either. I love the lyrics in an entertaining way (especially the inner child bit), but they aren't really grabbing me like the first five songs. Maybe just because I haven't lived them like I have the others.
Mirrorball - Oh, God. I have always loved this song so much, because it's a beautiful song. Over the past few years, I've also come to adore the lyrics - "You never knew the teenage me, and you wouldn't believe the things you didn't see, some pretty, some ugly" hits hard for me, and overall I think it just has the best, most honest, most poetic lyrics on the album, which is saying a lot. But in the past few months, I've come to realize it's the story of my life. It's really quite jarring to realize that it's always been there in the background while I ended up living it out. Though I haven't murdered anyone or joined a band.
Good Cop, Bad Cop - Ohhhhh, man. I reached for this when my (then untreated, undiagnosed) depression worsened at age 13. "It's wrong to feel this way, I know it's wrong, I know it's bad, to only see what isn't there, to want and want and never have" was exactly what I felt then, and still what I feel now. It's especially effective as part of the one-two punch with Mirrorball. I am assuming Tracey's struggled with mental illness somehow, because I don't know how anyone who hadn't could write these lyrics. By the same token, I would guess that someone neurotypical wouldn't connect with it, but I think anyone with depression or a similar illness would immediately take it to heart.
Wrong (Todd Terry Remix) - This really doesn't sound much different from the original, which I guess goes to show you just how much they modeled it on Todd's sound. I get that it's a bonus track (when "bonus track" actually had meaning), but it doesn't add anything to the album.
Walking Wounded (Omni Trio Remix) - At least this one is different from the original, so it has a reason to be here, but honestly it's just not very good.
Final verdict: This is actually more uneven than I remembered, thanks largely to that big quality dip of Flipside and Big Deal. But when it's good, it is honestly incredible. Although it's drum'n'bass, it feels very much like an E•MO•TION/The Desired Effect-type synthpop album in terms of both style and substance. I think it'll always hold a special place in my heart. 8.5/10.
Highlight: It's tempting to say The Heart Remains a Child, but really, in terms of how much I've played it, and how much I value it, it has to be Mirrorball.
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